


Wander No More

by SonjaJade



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 19:41:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonjaJade/pseuds/SonjaJade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place during the last episode of the anime series. Kenshin is having a hard time trying to sleep with Kaoru next to him. These are his inner thoughts as he contemplates the past ten years, his relationship with Kaoru, and his new home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wander No More

**A/N: This is my first Kenshin piece and takes place within the last episode. Please let me know how I did!**

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****I do not own any characters within the series Ruroni Kenshin****

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She'd been haunting me since she gave me that silly look as we ate… That slow turn of her head, the wide eyed gaze that seemed so full of desperation, her deep blue eyes that seemed to have so much to say though she remained silent for a moment longer… and then she exploded at me when I told her I would leave her alone in the room after I finished my meal. Still though, I know it's all a cover up, I know how she feels for me.

And now I am lying in the dark, next to her on a separate futon. I know she had a hard time dropping off into sleep. Miss Kaoru never sleeps well when we're away from the dojo in the first place, but tonight, with the two of us being in such close proximity to each other, and knowing how she feels for me… I can only imagine how much worse it's been for her this evening.

As for myself, I can barely sleep either. It's been ten years now since I've even though about the touch of a woman, not since my beloved Tomoe. I've been lost to the memories of blood and death, devoting myself to my repentance, and simply doing all I can to keep going forward, keep putting time and distance between this Kenshin Himura I am now and the Battousai that I had been. I roll quietly to face Miss Kaoru. She is finally asleep, but it's a light slumber. She seems troubled by her dreams and I have no doubt she will be exhausted in the morning. Over the sound of the last of the summer crickets and the pounding surf outside, I take her in as I have never seen her before. Always with Kaoru, I see the courageous and sometimes ill-tempered young woman who's been on her own these past few years. And though she participates in what is generally thought of as a man's profession, a swordsman, I can't help but see her as the beautiful and feminine thing she is right now in her bedding. Her jet black hair, shiny from proper care and good health, her flawless complexion, those long soft lashes that guard her sapphire eyes… Miss Kaoru, though I've never said so, and don't know if I ever can, you are truly a beautiful woman. I am lucky to have won your affections though I wasn't trying to. For the first time in years, I feel a nervous tremble in my stomach, and I realize that my hands burn to touch her sleeping face. This orphan turned killer of men turned poor and humble wanderer wants so badly to feel love again. It takes all of my willpower to close my now itching palm into a fist and ignore the fluttering in my gut. With a quiet sigh, I roll to my back and close my eyes. Nothing can be accomplished in the dark right now. If she and I are going to get anywhere, we'll have to wait until the light of day.

I'm really concentrating on trying to get comfortable, trying my damnedest to just slip into that soft shadow of sleep… It feels like the minutes are dragging past, and though I'm sure I've only been lying here a few minutes, it feels like it's been hours. I hear Miss Kaoru sit up and I feel her eyes on me. I wonder briefly as I feign sleep if she's feeling that tug in her belly, that fire that yearns to burn brighter… I soon know where her thoughts lie when I feel her hand softly lay across mine after she settles herself back into bed. It takes all of my discipline to keep my maleness from announcing itself, all of discipline to keep from gasping at her tender touch, as if she had read my mind only minutes before. She has no idea the affect she has on me. It's then that I know I will have to make a decision, and fairly soon, regarding my status as a wanderer and with Kaoru. I lie still and stare at the ceiling, enjoying the warmth of her hand on mine, the connection between us that has never seen the light of day. I lose myself a couple of times, dozing off and having the sweetest dreams about the woman next to me, and I wake up at some point after she rolls to her side and our connection is broken. I can't lie here anymore.

I dress quickly and quietly in the early morning, put away the futon and the bedding and then pad down the hall and the steps of our host's home and walk out to the shore. The salty air feels somehow cleansing, and I contemplate many things as I watch the tides recede and advance on the coastline. My memories of Kyoto and the war will never ever leave me. I have to admit though, in the ten years following, they have faded now finally, at least a little. I know the work I've done as a wanderer will never completely absolve me from the sin of taking lives needlessly, but surely the gods know I'm doing the best I can to make sure that me and other survivors of that tragic time do not repeat those atrocities ever again. And my dear Tomoe… You told me when you died not to cry, yet I did, and many nights afterward I cried. Even now there are times when I cry for you inside though I don't allow any of my tears to show. I hear you now, I hear your voice giving me your blessing to move on. Just then I hear Kaoru… Her sandals are smacking the sand as she runs flat out towards me, and I'm not sure, but I think she might be crying. She runs into me, and I nearly stumble backwards as she embraces my middle… and for the first time, my mind says, _'My sweet Kaoru…'_ I have never referred to her this way, and it's then that I know my mind is made up. It's then that I know where this woman's place is in my life and I am willing to do what it takes to keep her by my side and keep her safe, even though I have no idea how I'm going to do it yet.

As the sun finally breaks out of its hiding place behind the low gray clouds, we turn to walk back to the house where we stayed for the night, to properly thank our host and let him and his wife know we will be on our way back to Tokyo. I turn to her and address her as I always do, "Miss Kaoru?" Her face is almost comical in its surprise. I hold out my hand and offer her the in tact shell I found while I was walking that morning, the one that was the same color pink as the lips I didn't know I wanted to taste until sometime in the night. "This is for you," I say, and the purposely add, "Kaoru…" Her face looks up at me and sees my smile. It is the first time I've ever not called her Miss when she hasn't been in danger. Her blue eyes are positively sparkling as she takes the shell and my hand in hers, and before I can even stop myself, I have leaned in and given her a single and chaste kiss to those precious lips. The color of her cheeks rivals the reddest roses, and I feel her trembling. I give her hand a light squeeze and pull her to my side so she doesn't walk behind me as she had been. As we continue our walk back to the house, I say, "Let's go down to the docks and take the first ship home. Maybe Yahiko can get us a deal at the Akabeko. A beef pot sounds pretty tasty right now, that it does." My breathless woman can only nod her head. It wasn't my intent to leave her in such a quiet state… I hope I haven't disappointed her. After all, I am many years out of practice in such things as romantic relations. I hope she is willing to retrain me.


End file.
